


In the Face of Dreams

by happinesssdeceit (crescenttwins)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blood, Flashbacks, Gen, Hallucinations, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-10
Updated: 2009-04-10
Packaged: 2019-09-24 12:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17100620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescenttwins/pseuds/happinesssdeceit
Summary: Dreams taunt him; memories haunt him; all he can think of the past, the things he once had but doesn't anymore, and it drives him insane.





	In the Face of Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Import of old fic!

There are times that he wishes that he couldn't remember anything.

Dreams taunt him; memories haunt him; all he can think of the past, the things he once had but doesn't anymore, and it drives him insane.

But he hides it, and underneath his skin it spreads like a mottled bruise.

The madness stirs beneath his consciousness, appearances few but influences many. It is a monster that waits with bated breath for the moment he will fall.

He pretends it doesn't exist, that it has no hold on him; but he knows ( _has always known_ ) and one day, one day, he will acknowledge this and deal with it.

Except, in those dark moments where he closes his eyes and surrenders to his weakness, he breaks. His dam against the flow of memory shatters, and memories of halcyon days long past rush over him (chilling him in the pretense of warmth, forcing him downwards like the wave it truly it is).

The madness spreads, and with it comes blood.

 _Bright, sharp sunlight pierces its way through the leaves, and Sasuke tilts his head up. The light catches the crown of his hair, and, for a moment, Itachi sees a halo. It shines around his little brother, and he is accepted by all things light and_ good _._

_The light dances around Sasuke as the trees bow to the wind's call; he laughs in joy, a king among his element. (So different than the destructive fire of the Uchiha clan.) His palace, for now, is a forest that protects the days of mirth._

_It is the forest that they train in often, with targets set around._

_It is the forest where Itachi can be a_ nin _and a big brother all at once._

_It is the forest where Sasuke sees how dangerous Itachi truly is._

_It is the forest where Itachi spends time with Sasuke._

_It is the forest that guards their memories._

_It is the forest where Sasuke is caressed by comforting light; the elements adoring their heir._

_It is the forest where Itachi, like the_ nin _that he is, hides within the darkness from the condemning light._

He dreams of the past, in color and sensation, and there are times when he wakes in a mirage.

He thinks, for a moment, that he is back in the Uchiha compound; the floors are made of sleek wood and smell slightly of polish; the sliding doors are smooth rice paper and uniform down the halls; sunlight is filtering from his window.

And most importantly, Sasuke is down the hall, sleeping and happy and  _safe_.

And when he thinks of that, he feels the need to check, and the illusion breaks. The stone floors are nothing like warm wood; the door is more like that of a prison than a home; there is no natural light in the room; Sasuke is not down the hall and _never will be_.

It is the moment he opens his eyes that the dreams become nightmares.

_The blood that stains his hands is an irredeemable mark of hatred, a thing that he can never wash away._

_He thought about it, that day, while standing over his parents' bodies._

_How easy it would be to wash it away and pretend he had fought off the murderer._

_How easy it would be to convince Sasuke that they were killed for a reason unknown._

_How easy it would be, he had thought, as he had heard the Sasuke's loud steps in the hall._

_How easy it would be, Itachi thinks, to pretend the clan was_ good.

_How difficult it is, Itachi mourns, when Sasuke sees him for the first time that night._

He is not afraid of death—he has never been afraid, not really. His fears are limited to two things: Sasuke, and what time he has left.

_The days he can pick Sasuke up from class are few and far between, but Itachi tries. These are the fondest days of his memory—_

_Constant contact (a hand in his, the weight on his back) no one else dares to give; that Itachi craves because of it._

_Genuine smiles that were never meant to stir anything._

_Unsubtle movement away from the shorter paths to the compound, taking the longer route just to extend the time._

_Conversation about nothing, with no gravity and no commands._

_Sheer happiness because of_ Itachi _'s mere existence._

_It is these days that Itachi dreams of the most._

He breathes heavily, fisting his hand in dark cloth as blood pours from his lips.

He swallows medicinal drink after drink, trying to stave off the terrors of his mind.

He succumbs to their effects.

They never last long enough.

_Itachi looks up at the door as Sasuke slips in._

" _I can't sleep," he mumbles, ashamed and open._

_Itachi tucks away the scroll (a clan scroll, about the Mangekyou Sharingan) and lifts the covers slowly._

_Sasuke slips in, sliding easily into the bed._

" _What happened?" Itachi asks._

_Sasuke turns, muffling his words in the thick blanket. "Bad dream."_

_Itachi pats his head gently; he snuffs out the candle with a whispered_ jutsu _. Then he comforts:_

" _Bad dreams can't hurt you, Sasuke."_

He was wrong.

He muffles his screams as the dreams tear away the last shreds of his sanity; it falls like confetti, decorating his mind. His memories soon follow, blending until he remembers what wasn't and forgets what was—

And only one thing remains.

"Aniki _," Sasuke says, when he thinks that Itachi is asleep, "Don't go away."_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate and am motivated by comments if you would like to leave one. At the same time, replying gives me a lot of stress-- so if you don't receive a reply, please know that I treasure your words very much. <3


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